Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
