What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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