I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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