but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
