im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
