so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
