I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
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When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
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Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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