She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
