I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I wish you could order shots online.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
