is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
