I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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