its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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