So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
