if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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