I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
