WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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