I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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