there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
