I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
