im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
