I CAN MOONWALK!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
