I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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