i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
