I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize