Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
