I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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