I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.