I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service