those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
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He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.