i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."