I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Are we still banned from the library?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
