Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
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there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
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I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Ladies don't puke and tell
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.