it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.