i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
