I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Fuck me I smell like cheese
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
