why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
