One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
