i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
