I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
