if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
