U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
