How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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