That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
