I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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