Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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