it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
