You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
