I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
