i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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