U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We don't watch enough power rangers
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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