she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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