We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
