He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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