My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just gift wrapped bread.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
