there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Ladies don't puke and tell
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
