I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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