Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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