guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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