four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
