So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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