6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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