Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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