I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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