she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
