Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
