"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
