oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
