Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Randomize
