your parents love me but you hate me
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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