DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
