so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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