Yo dont text me then not text me
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
