went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
