I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
