do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
