I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize