I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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