I want you more than these girls want KFC
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
