i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
im holly from the hills drunk
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
