that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
