Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
