shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
