I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
