If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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